Emotional First Aid For Your Relationship – The Power Process

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The Power Process

Do you ever procrastinate about doing important tasks?

Do you ever get nervous before you have to give a presentation, make a sale, present your ideas, or ask for what you want?

Do you ever feel so lethargic that you can’t find the energy to get going?

Do you ever make a mistake and feel so bad about it that you become more and more depressed?

Do you ever feel frustrated and angry with yourself and can’t snap out of it?”

If you’ve answered yes to any one of the above questions, then The Power Process is for you.I know I have answered yes to at least two of the questions.

The Power Process is the third of the three Emotional-First-Aid Techniques and the easiest and takes about 3-5 minutes.

Why Does The Power Process Work

The Power Process works by helping you turn your anger and criticism about yourself into motivation and personal power.  This is so because the real reason of your anger towards yourself is because of the love you have for yourself.

The process that reveals this self Love first starts with Anger as illustrated below:

1. Anger


2. I did not get


3. I want


4. I deserve


5. Self Love


6. Personal Power

 How Does The Power Process Work

The Power Process works by taking you through the 6 underlying levels of emotions above. When you get angry at yourself about something, it is because you did not get something. You felt angry because you wanted that thing that you felt you deserved.  You felt you deserved it because you love yourself and you have a strong sense of self-worth. This sense of self-worth is your personal power.  Thus, this whole anger thing I believe occurred because of your fear of losing your personal power.

How To Use The Power Process

The Power Process has 3 steps with each representing a step back towards your personal power.

  1. You express anger at yourself
  2. You express what you want
  3. You express positive, loving support of yourself

You use The Power Process whenever you:

  • make a mistake
  • miss an opportunity
  • disappoint yourself
  • don’t keep commitments
  • do something foolish
  • feel frightened or nervous
  • have an important appointment
  • want to make a good impression
  • want to boost your energy

You can practice The Power Process anywhere really- in the shower, in the car, in front of a mirror etc. You should feel wonderful when you’ve finished.

Here is an example of The Power Process in action. We’ll use James a computer salesman who is not doing well. James freezes up during sales presentations, he does not make his calls and he is not aggressive enough.  James is fed up with his lack of sales and how he views himself. Therefore, instead of putting himself down again and again and making him feel and act worse, he decides to practice The Power Process before going into work.

Step One: Get angry at yourself

This is where you speak out all the anger and blame you are feeling towards yourself about a situation.  Avoid screaming because you’ll end up avoiding the feelings you want to get in touch with. So in a firm and forceful tone of voice, you let out your feelings using phrases like:

“I hate it when you…”

“You are such a…”

“I’m tired of you…”

Use “you” instead of “I”

James getting angry with himself

“James, you are such a wimp. I hate getting up every morning and watching you screw up your day. I despise that part of you that is so damned weak and scared. I hate when you give a presentation in a little mousy voice and act afraid of your customers! Act like a man! Quit being such a nobody.”

Step Two: Become the motivator by expressing what you want.

In the same firm tone of voice, start motivating yourself by saying what you want yourself to do.

James motivation

I want you to grow up! I want you to take charge at work! I want you to go in there today and really shine! I want you to project your voice in meetings! I want you to convince those customers how lucky they are to know you! I want you to be on time for appointments! I want you to believe in yourself! I want you to have the greatest day you have ever had!”

Step Three: Become your own cheerleader by expressing love and support for yourself.

This is the time to cheer yourself on. In the same firm tone of voice, express love and support for yourself by using the following phrases:

I love you when you shine.”

I know you can be successful.”

You deserve to have everything you want.”

James’s love and support

“James, you have so much potential! I know you can be a powerhouse! I love you when you show everyone how smart you are! You deserve to make tons f money! You deserve to be the best salesman in the company! I know you can do it because you are a natural!  People love being around you! I believe in you! I love you!”

There you have it. All three Emotional-First-Aid Techniques completed. Now it’s up to you to practice and use them.

Write a Love Letter using The Love Letter Technique when you and your partner have an argument, use The Power Process for yourself and play The Duplication Game (Technique) with your children.

About admin

Felicity Okolo like each of us has been on her own journey of discovery, which she shares through her work. She is one of the UK’s leading Life Coach & Transformational Speaker especially on Women Empowerment. Felicity is the author of "Who Stole My Power? And The Easy Way To Reclaim It!" and the author of the forthcoming book "It Is My Life And I'm In Charge" Her purpose in life is to “Empower and lead people in a dynamic and passionate manner to live to their true potential all happy, healthy, prosperous, expressing love and peace for the highest good of all concerned.”
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